When Is it Enough?

I find my self this week far deeper into the rabbit hole of life’s complications that I spoke of last week. In many ways I think my thoughts of last week only foreshadowed what this week would come to be. It seems as though, for my self, I choose more often than not, the steeper mountains to climb. Much like Danali, I never seem able to choose the easy path. I choose the one where the wind blows the hardest, the cold is colder than anything you ever felt and every moment you are there at sixteen thousand you are slowly watching your life ebb away. When you choose to love and care about people who are also climbing their own personal Danali’s, you simply must accept that it’s a hard climb. One must simply sharpen the blade of one’s ice axe, check crampons again and again, coil your rope, tie in,set your aids well, and use every bit of every thing you ever learned before, if you hope to reach the summit. It can be a hard climb. One must also have faith in your belay partner and know for certain that if you fall they have you.
This week I am on belay trying to make sure some one I do care deeply for does not free fall but is stopped short and is able to again climb her mountain.
I suppose as I left the daily use of substance behind last April, I find my self the guide on this steep mountain they call addiction. I hope I am up for the challenge and that I can show them the route to the summit. I have the belay but each but each step of the climb is thier’s and not mine. I have done it and think if I can so can any one.
Keep climbing Darling: as Tom used to scream at me “find a hold and get your ass up that rock”


Book VS: Blog

As I have have fully engaged my self in doing the book I have truly realized how different the two process’s are. Most of my blogs take only a few hours to create. The book however, seems as I put words to screen takes so much more work. I am striving to create a mental picture for my future reader. I have to paint with words to create a world that I remember in my recollections of life lived.
The process is different and new too me. My previous fictional works came easy. I began knowing the out come and simply filled in the details for my characters as I let them take shape. My story however, requires recalling dates,times, places, and people. Reliving the events some of them horrific, tragic, and also beautiful.
The process has led to dreams that I spent years avoiding remembering.
But, to tell the story I must go back. So, onward it is. I will get through it. I hope at the end I produce some thing of note.
Do others who write in different areas experience the same hardships getting it done?

A Hard Day

Today will mark the five year passing of my mother. It still seem’s so hard at times to wrap my head around the fact that I can’t pick up a phone and call her with good news or ask for advice when every thing is going wrong. Today it would be the former and not the latter that i would tell her about. Things are going well for me the book is real and it is getting done, though it’s hard. Working full time and really putting the energy into filling pages is not easy but, I am on my way and I am backed up by great people; and when I say I can’t do this, they say you already have every time you told a story to make a point when you were drunk at some bar.
Well since I am no longer doing that like I used to, it seems harder to tell the story but, I am and when asked for more detail I am going to fight through the feelings and get what I was asked for on the page.
If you read my blog or if my mom influenced your life feel free to comment here I do not edit your comments.
Just this for Mom “I hope you are proud of me today I finally am using all my gifts that I have that you gave me. I really miss you. See you in a dream soon.” I love You!